Karma's When I Feel Like It Blog

August 24, 2013

Sunrise

Filed under: Uncategorized — Karma @ 9:49 am
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Sunrise on Hills Beach
I took this photo bleary-eyed through the window of the porch of our cottage one early morning in Maine last week. The sun woke me that morning and teased me to go outside with the camera, but my body wasn’t listening. I grabbed the camera, took this less-than-perfect picture, and put my head back on the pillow for another hour.

I’ve been doing a lot of introspective thinking lately and this shot seems to tell a bit about where I am at these days. I realize the sun is rising on a new chapter in my life.

On Thursday, we moved Meghan in to her new school-year home, Clark University in Worcester, Ma.
Meghan's dorm
I don’t know how I will handle not seeing her smiling face and hearing her stories about what is going on in her life every day. I told you I left a piece of my heart in Maine in an earlier post this week, now another piece of it is in Worcester.

Sarah is of course still at home with us for another two years, so I am not an empty-nester, but I’ve been giving a lot of thought as of late to who I am aside from my role as mom. Who am I when I’m not playing mom on a daily basis?

I feel like I need a path to discovery, and I don’t even know where to begin searching for that path. I know many of you reading this have been down this road yourself, and if you have any thoughts or suggestions about a place to begin this journey, I would be happy to hear them.

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23 Comments »

  1. oh sweetie, you’re where i was last year. last year i felt like this huge void was ahead of me, full of nothingness. but then as the year progressed and i got more and more “used to” my meghan being gone (i use quotes because i’m never REALLY used to one of my kids being gone), i turned that gloomy looking void into something that could hold excitement and be full of newness. it was last spring when i began “crossroads” for that very reason, to explore all the new possibilities that were open to me as i gradually stepped into this new life of (almost) empty nesting. you’ll get there, too, i promise. look upon this time of your life as a way of exploring and adventure. once you get through the tears (and i’ve cried plenty since meg began college), there’s a bright wide open world open to you. hang in there, i’ve got your back! : )

    Comment by Katie — August 24, 2013 @ 10:13 am | Reply

    • Thanks Katie. This was nice to hear. Right now I am still waiting for the morning that I don’t wake up with a headache – this is the 5th morning in a row, since the day before she moved in. Coincidence? I think not! 😉

      Comment by Karma — August 25, 2013 @ 8:46 am | Reply

  2. Perhaps it’s time to explore and develop what your individual, personal interests are. Perhaps it’s time to study something new. Perhaps it’s time to just sit quietly and relax. Each of us must find our way in our own way. I think when my chicks left their nest I was so busy working to survive I did not have time to wonder what to do with myself. Good luck on your new path!

    Comment by Carol — August 24, 2013 @ 1:03 pm | Reply

    • Thanks Carol, but I don’t think there will be anything particularly new for me going on, unfortunately. School starts again for me tomorrow, so I will be back to work. My younger daughter is a junior in high school with plenty going on, so life will still have much of the same routine for me, at least for a while.

      Comment by Karma — August 25, 2013 @ 8:47 am | Reply

  3. I’m a few years ahead of you Karma! My oldest is a senior in college and two days ago I took my youngest to college! The house is empty of kids and I hate to say it but I am looking forward to it. I know it is probably different for the mom’s but speaking as a dad who was coach for soccer, baseball, etc. and the one to haul the kids around I am excited to have some free time on my hands. The photography thing started when the first one went to college and I believe I am going to continue to run with that passion now that the last one has flown free. Like Carol said above, time to explore those unknown or forgotten passions. It will take a little time but I’m sure you will find the new groove…

    Comment by Mike Christoferson — August 24, 2013 @ 1:27 pm | Reply

    • Thanks Mike. I’m the one who does all the “kid hauling” in this household, so that will continue for me for the next two years. I don’t expect any big changes in my routine with the exception of only having to remember the schedule of one daughter rather than two! Maybe the little extra breathing room will help me make some inner discoveries. It is a big mystery, that I am sure will take years to puzzle through.

      Comment by Karma — August 25, 2013 @ 8:51 am | Reply

  4. For the longest time I didn’t think I wanted kids, then I changed my mind and now I can’t imagine a life without them. I already shed tears thinking about when they leave, I even have a tough time when they go back to school at the end of the summer. I don’t think I will survive college. I will take in your experience with this step in life to hopefully assist me when the time comes. Good luck and hugs.

    Comment by Becky Sue — August 25, 2013 @ 8:57 am | Reply

    • Thank you Becky. I don’t know how much help my experience will be – right now I’m not much more than emotional jello. I’m hoping better days are on the horizon, and that I will have lots of good things to share in the days to come.

      Comment by Karma — August 25, 2013 @ 9:03 am | Reply

  5. *Hugs* I just answered your comment about this on my blog so I won’t repeat it all here. I will add that once the nest is empty, it’s a little like mourning a past life so allow yourself time to do that. You’ll always be a mom even though your role will change somewhat, and there are new and exciting roles in life ahead. 🙂

    Comment by Robin — August 25, 2013 @ 11:35 am | Reply

    • Thank you Robin, and I did read your very kind reply to my comment on your blog.

      Comment by Karma — August 26, 2013 @ 5:23 pm | Reply

  6. In this day of electronic communications, it is easier to stay “in touch”. While both my daughters live far away, I can reach out to them quickly and easily. No, it is not like having them under the same roof. I realized they outgrew my roof and are now building their own.

    As for what happens next in your life, you are asking questions. A good place to start. Do not let it become something stressful. With extra time, comes opportunities. Just remember it is YOUR extra time. Spend it the way you want.

    Oh, btw, after college, they could be back. 🙂 It took a few years before we became empty nesters after high school was over.

    Comment by Scott Thomas Photography — August 26, 2013 @ 10:36 am | Reply

    • It’s true Scott, I do like the many ways available for communicating: texts, Facebook and Skype to name a few. I’d love to hear more than I am hearing at this point, but I know she is busy and adjusting herself.
      I will take it all one day at a time for now, no point trying to project too far into the future.

      Comment by Karma — August 26, 2013 @ 5:26 pm | Reply

  7. Karen, vis chaque jour comme tu le sens. Petit à petit tu trouveras un nouveau chemin pour toi. Comme mère, on vit beaucoup pour nos enfants, on s’oublie un peu… Ta récompense c’est que Meghan se sente indépendante; elle se construit un nouvelle vie à l’extérieur mais dans son coeur tu es et seras Toujours présente. C’est grâce à toi, à ses parents, qu’elle est une magnifique personne. Ca fait plaisir, non ? 🙂 Et je pense que Sarah, ton mari, tes amis, des activités nouvelles t’attendent ! Bisous.
    Mes deux fils sont loin de la maison, heureux de leur indépendance et très heureux de revenir à la maison dès ils peuvent. C’est la vie !

    Comment by isathreadsoflife — August 28, 2013 @ 1:39 pm | Reply

    • Merci, Isa, pour tes paroles très aimables. Je me sens un peu moins triste avec chaque jour qui passe.

      Comment by Karma — August 30, 2013 @ 7:06 am | Reply

  8. The sunrise picture looks so warm and comforting to me. Lovely shades of color. Well, it seems Meghan is now on her own voyage, seeking her own life. I may not understand your sentiments fully, but I can definitely understand how Meghan must be feeling being away from you. When I was away from home, I thought it was the biggest thing ever happened in my life, being alone, independent, worried, newbie amongst the whole lot of people. But, I believe Meghan is very bold and confident, then I used to be at her age. Life is such, and it does offer beautiful things, especially when you are on your own. Don’t be much worried. And I appreciate that you are trying to discover who you are apart from being a Mother, because this itself gives a lot of insight into facing the coming days differently, though heart is full of emotions.

    Comment by sonali — August 29, 2013 @ 12:17 am | Reply

    • Thanks Sonali. I know that Meghan is happy and will do well, and that of course makes me happy too. It is still an adjustment not to see her each and every day!

      Comment by Karma — August 30, 2013 @ 7:08 am | Reply

  9. I’m not at the empty nest stage yet, with my eldest and youngest still both at home, but when Emma left home a year ago she left me as the only girl in the house, amongst three large males and I found that tough and it took a while to adjust to the new living situation. I’m in contact with both of my girls on a regular basis, usually by phone, but they don’t live far from me either. I’ve wondered how I will cope when it’s just me and my husband here….we have so little in common these days! (Sad, but true.) I think that you have to start focusing more on YOU, your interests, your desires. Perhaps think of taking up interests that you may have once wanted to follow, but motherhood prevented you from doing so. Sending you a huge hug. xxx

    Comment by Joanne — August 30, 2013 @ 3:04 am | Reply

    • Thanks very much Joanne. Life isn’t too different yet, with Sarah still here at home and the start of the new school year, things are falling into a familiar routine, but with one less wonderful face at the table each evening.

      Comment by Karma — August 30, 2013 @ 7:10 am | Reply

  10. I was the oldest kid in our family of 4 so got to leave for college first. I have wondered in recent years what it was like back home with 3. (I’m sure they were just as busy with the 3 sets of activities)…and then with 2 and then with just one left at home. The last of us, my ‘baby’ brother says he doesn’t remember anything particularly different about being an only child after we were all away. Still, it seems like it must have been strange at dinner. I’ll be interested to find out later what your younger daughter thinks about it all.

    Comment by Dawn — August 30, 2013 @ 9:09 pm | Reply

    • People have been asking Sarah if she misses her big sister and she always answers, “Nope!”, lol. Right now I think that is because she is enjoying the freedom from the typical big sister things Meghan was guilty of: mothering Sarah and in Sarah’s eyes, picking on Sarah. I’m sure she doesn’t see it now, but I think the day will come when she will miss some of their regular interactions. Our dinner times have always been far from a typical nuclear family sitting down to eat together, that was always fairly rare due to hubby working second shift, and the girls’ various activities, so dinner hasn’t seemed too strange – yet!

      Comment by Karma — August 31, 2013 @ 8:13 am | Reply

  11. Gosh, Karma, I just read through your post AND all the comments (I don’t always take time to read through all the comments on blogs.) Everyone offered such wise advice, didn’t they? I remember when each kid left for college and the feelings which welled up both expectant and sad. How we carved a different dynamics after Chris left for school. And then when Kiah left…how Barry and I then renegotiated and carved a new relationship which deepened… How much I still sometimes miss the kids and wish they lived nearer. How delighted I am that they are living THEIR lives with so much potential.

    One of the great things is that you will have time to deepen more into yourself in the upcoming years. Because Sarah is still home, you might just tentatively start cruising for spiritual books that speak to you. They might point to a path which will excite you and provide some focus in the upcoming years.

    On the other hand, Life is always opening a path in front of us, so if you’re not inclined to read, don’t worry. Your spirit will point where it wants to blossom next…

    Comment by Kathy — August 31, 2013 @ 9:04 am | Reply

    • An excellent idea Kathy. Next time I get to browse an actual bookstore – there seem to be fewer and fewer around these days with the popularity of e-readers and such – I will definitely take at least a look. I think sometimes it is hard for me to see the paths that Life may be suggesting, I’ve always been so focused on my family for the last 18+ years, but I will do my best to keep my eyes open wide.

      Comment by Karma — August 31, 2013 @ 9:22 am | Reply

  12. […] have been changing around here, life has been different. I told you in this post about moving Meghan into college. She’s been there just over two weeks now; I still have sad […]

    Pingback by Flowing with the Go | Karma's When I Feel Like It Blog — September 7, 2013 @ 9:36 am | Reply


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